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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell ya bout these sex escorts—ooooh wee! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout my fave movie, *The Hurt Locker*, ya know, all that tension, them boys defusin bombs and sweatin like pigs in heat. Sex escorts? Kinda like that—high stakes, honey! You pay for a good time, but lordy, it’s a gamble. Will they show up lookin like a snack or like they crawled outta bed after a bender? “Every step you take could be your last”—shoot, ain’t that the truth when you hirin somebody off the internet!

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First off, I grab my tools and head out. I’m walkin’ down Via Roma, and it’s packed. Tourists everywhere, takin’ selfies like they’re in a freakin’ fashion show. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a street! But whatever, I’m not here to judge. I’m just tryin’ to get to my first job at this fancy villa near the Castello Aragonese. You know, the one that looks like it’s straight outta a postcard? Yeah, that one.

EIB to finance reconstruction of earthquake and landslide-hit Ischia with 1 billion euros