Mila Ischia Porto Whore ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

About Milan

So, picture this—some chick, let’s call her Candy, ‘cause why not? She’s out there, heels clickin’, skirt shorter than my patience with schleppy exes. I’m like, “Oh honey, you’re workin’ harder than that horse pullin’ the cart!”—y’know, from the movie? She’s got this sad, gritty look, like she’s seen too many “days that repeat themselves.” That line kills me! Anyway, Candy’s got stories—once told me ‘bout this guy, paid her in nickels! NICKELS! I was screamin’, “What is this, 1890?!” Made me so mad, I coulda spit! But also—kinda funny, right? *NAAAHAHAHA*

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I’m trying to enjoy my coffee, but nooo, gotta deal with this mess. Some dude forgot to send me his receipts. Like, c’mon! You had one job! I’m standing there, fuming, while the locals are chillin’, laughing, and I’m like, “Why can’t I just be a tourist?”

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