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About Milan

Then she goes, “Meet me by the docks,” and I’m like, happy days! Heart’s racin’, knob’s twitchin’ – oops, typo, meant *nob* – nah, sod it, keepin’ it. Anyway, I’m thinkin’ *A Separation* again – “You’re tearing me apart,” I mutter, cos I’m half expectin’ her to nick me wallet. Surprised me, though – she shows up, all legs and lipstick, proper fit. I’m gobsmacked, like, “You’re no minger!” She laughs, “Cheers, you charmer.”

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So, I’m strolling down Via Roma, right? Just vibin’ to my tunes, when BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, c’mon, dude! I’m just tryna live my best life here. I swear that bird was aiming for me. I mean, who knew pigeons had such a vendetta?

Don’t give yourself up! Mum's TV message to Mafia son whose brother died freeing him from court