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Me? I’d be all about it—‘til the bill hits. $200 for a rub? Nah, fam, that’s robbery! Gets me pissed—why’s it gotta cost an arm and a leg? But then, picturin’ it—soft lights, some chick whisperin’ sweet nothings, hands everywhere—I’m like, “Oh, I could live forever in this.” Straight outta that “Mulholland” line, ya feel me? Total dream-state shit. Ever tried it? Bet you’d be surprised—half the time it’s legit therapy, other half it’s… well, Joey knows what’s up, wink-wink.

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Suddenly, I get a text from my buddy, Luca. He’s like, “Meet me at the gelato place!” I’m like, “You had me at gelato.” So, I hustle over to Gelateria Gussago. I order a scoop of pistachio, my fave. But guess what? They’re out! I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” The guy behind the counter just shrugs. “Try the hazelnut.” I’m like, “Fine, but it better be good.” Spoiler alert: it was amazing.

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