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Alright, listen up, jabroni! I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” Sex-dating? Man, it’s wild out there! Like “Wolf of Wall Street” wild. You got folks swipin’ left, right, tryna score. It’s a freakin’ jungle, I tell ya! Apps like Tinder, Bumble – pure chaos. People sellin’ themselves like Jordan Belfort sellin’ stocks. “I’m not fuckin’ leaving!” – that’s their vibe. Hella thirsty dudes, chicks posin’ half-naked. It’s a game, bro, straight up.

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We finally get in, and he’s like, “Let’s celebrate!” So, we hit up this little trattoria nearby. The food? OMG. I had the orecchiette with broccoli rabe. It was heavenly. I’m talking about a flavor explosion in my mouth. But then, the waiter spills wine all over my shirt. Like, seriously?! I’m trying to enjoy my meal, and now I look like a walking grape.

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