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Anyways, I’s thinkin’, why’s it so bloody hard? Them girls, they’s everywhere, but not when ya need ‘em! Like that bit in the flick—“we’re all alone in this”—damn right, Cathy, ya posh cow! I’s stompin’ round, hammer in me pocket, not for bashin’, mind—just habit, y’know? This one lass, she pops out, all “Hiya, love!”—nearly shat meself, surprised me good! Skinny as a rail, eyes like a dead fish, but she’s got sass. We likes sass, don’t we, precious?

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After that, I finally get a break. I step outside for some fresh air on Via Cavour. The sun’s shining, and I see this cute little café. You know the one with the best cappuccinos? I’m like, “I need that caffeine fix!” So, I grab a cup, and it’s like heaven in a mug. I’m feelin’ good again, until I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me, right? Now I look like I just survived a coffee tsunami.

Hokkaido Bologna in comeback: tiebreak victory against Cremonese