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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk sex-dating, straight up, no BS. This whole scene, it’s wild, right? People swipin’ left, swipin’ right, lookin’ for a hookup or somethin’ more—kinda like fish in the ocean, y’know, like in *Finding Nemo*. “Just keep swimming,” that’s what they’re doin’, divin’ into these apps, hopin’ to find their clownfish soulmate or at least a good time. But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all coral reefs and sunshine!

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy bumps into me. Like, full-on shoulder check. I’m about to lose it. I turn around, ready to throw down, but he’s just some lost tourist. He’s like, “Where’s the nearest gelato?” I mean, come on! You’re in Gorgonzola! Just follow your nose! I point him to the best gelato place on Via Cavour.

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