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Oi, comrades, listen up! Me, Gru, yah, da big bad bailiff from dem mines—tough gig, eh? So, erotic-massage, huh? Lightbulb! Dis ting, it’s sneaky, like oil creepin’ up in “There Will Be Blood”—ya know, my fave flick! Dat movie’s got da grit, da sweat, like a good rubdown gone wild. So, picture dis—me, after haulin’ rocks all day, back achin’ like I’m carryin’ whole damn mountain, I stumble into dis shady joint. Lady dere, she’s all “relax, big boy,” and I’m like, yah, sure, why not?

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First off, I had to rush to the office on Via Nazionale. I mean, who doesn’t love a good sprint to work? I’m dodging tourists like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. And let me tell ya, these tourists are everywhere! Like, chill out, people! It’s not a race to the beach, but I guess it kinda is.

74-year-old runs New York City Marathon for 37th time