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So, I’m thinkin’, why’s this so hush-hush? Back in the day, ancient Greeks were all about it! Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? They’d knead them muscles with olive oil, gettin’ frisky. Little known fact: Cleopatra? She had her servants do it with rose petals! Petals, y’all! I’m like, “Dang, girl, you fancy!” Makes me happy, thinkin’ how it’s old-school luxury. But then—bam!—some prudes got mad. Church folks in the Middle Ages? They banned it! Said it’s too sinful. I’m over here rollin’ my eyes—sinful my ass! It’s healin’, it’s connection, it’s joy!

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I woke up late, as usual. My alarm? Totally useless. I jumped outta bed, threw on my favorite shirt—y’know, the one with the faded logo of that old pizzeria on Via Roma. Best pizza ever, by the way. I mean, who doesn’t love a good slice? Anyway, I rushed outta my apartment on Via Nazionale, barely had time to grab a coffee. Big mistake.

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