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She’s fast, man, like she’s on a timer. I’m tryna enjoy it, but the bed’s creakin’ louder than her fake moans. I’m laughin’ inside—shit’s ridiculous. “Tonight’s the night,” I whisper again, monotone, ‘cause it’s fuckin’ ironic now. Makes me happy, tho—somethin’ bout the chaos of it. Raw, real, no bullshit. Not like those clean-cut Harvard pricks in the movie.

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I wiped it off, trying to keep my cool. I mean, it’s just a little bird poop, right? But then I see this cute café on the corner of Via Roma and Via Garibaldi. I thought, “Hey, let’s grab a cappuccino.” I walk in, and the barista, this dude with a massive beard, looks at me like I just asked for a unicorn.

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