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Hullo, my precious! Me, Gollum, raspy lil’ radio operator, yesss. Escort, eh? Makes me twitchy, it does! Like them warriors in *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon* – all sneaky-like, flippin’ through trees. Escort’s that game, innit? Protectin’ some fancy pants, or maybe a dodgy smuggler – who knows? “We must take the sword!” – that’s me, screamin’ into the mic, all heroic. Precious escort gigs, they’re wild, see?

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So, I’m strolling down Via Roma, coffee in hand, feeling all smart and stuff. I’m thinking, “Today’s the day I finally crack that experiment!” But then, bam! I spill my coffee all over my notes. Like, seriously? Who even invented these stupid cups? I was so mad, I could’ve thrown it at the nearest lamppost. But I didn’t. I just stood there, staring at my soggy notes, contemplating life choices.

In Italy, ‘Io Resto a Casa,’ but Still I Dance (Published 2020)