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I’m like, “Nah, lady, I’m good,” but she’s pushin’, all sultry, “Come on, live a little!” Live a little? Ha! Reminds me of Melancholia’s “There’s nothin’ to do about it!”—‘cept here, I *can* walk away. I’m laughin’—nervous, ya know?—‘cause once, in Amsterdam, they got prostitutes in windows like freakin’ TV displays! True story! This ain’t that fancy, just a grimy corner, stinkin’ of beer and regret.

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So, I’m limping along, and I decide to grab a coffee at this little café on Via XX Settembre. The barista was super chill, but the coffee? Wow, it was like liquid gold. I’m sippin’ it, and suddenly, I’m feelin’ like a million bucks. But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like I’ve been attacked by a caffeinated monster.

Serie A Liveblog: Genoa vs. Milan