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What’s nuts is how old this gig is—been around forever! Like, ancient Rome had escorts, callin em “courtesans” or whatever. Fancy, right? Bet they had togas and all! Makes me wonder—did they tip with coins or goats? I’d tip with mayo jars, heh, cuz I’m Patrick!

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But then, outta nowhere, I bumped into this cute dog. A golden retriever, all fluffy and wagging its tail. Instant mood booster! I knelt down to pet it, and the owner, this old dude, starts chatting me up. He’s telling me about how he used to fish in the Po back in the day. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he goes on about how he caught a fish the size of a small car. I’m thinking, “Yeah, right!” But hey, who doesn’t love a good fish tale?

Maltese artist’s painting competing for international prize in New York