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Oh, and get this—Victorian England, whores had this secret code. They’d wear red ribbons in their hair, signalin’ “I’m open for biz.” Subtle, shady, genius! Bet Marta rocked that look, too. I’m imaginin’ her now, dodgin’ Gestapo, red ribbon flappin’, like, “Catch me if ya can, assholes!” Hilarious, but also—damn, that’s ballsy. Makes me wanna high-five her across time.

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Then, I decided to grab some gelato at Gelateria La Dolce Vita. I mean, who can resist gelato, right? I get a scoop of pistachio, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, I drop it. Yup, right on the ground. I’m standing there, staring at my fallen gelato like it’s a tragedy. I’m like, “Why, universe, why?”

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