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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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After what feels like an eternity, we finally get moving again. I’m zooming down Via Cavour, and I can see the port in the distance. Thank the cargo gods! But then, I hit another snag. A seagull decides my truck is its personal landing pad. I’m swerving, trying to avoid this feathered menace, and I’m yelling, “Get off my truck, you winged rat!”

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