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We hates it! Scrollin’ Tinder, horny gits sendin’ dick pics—ugh, shrivels me toes! Once knew this lass, right, proper stunner, met her on Bumble. Thought, “Oh, Gollum’s got a prize!” Two dates in, she’s ghostin’ me—poof! Like Marion in the flick, tradin’ her soul for a fix. Sex-dating’s a trap, precious, all fake smiles n’ empty beds. Didya know, back in ’97, some geezer made a datin’ site for cheaters? Ashley Madison, yeah, got hacked—millions o’ blokes caught trousers down! Hilarious, but sad, innit?

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Finally, I hit the beach. Marco’s there, already in the water. I’m like, “Dude, it’s freezing!” But he’s all, “C’mon, it’s refreshing!” Refreshing? More like a shock to the system! But whatever, I dive in. And wow, it’s actually kinda nice once you get used to it. We’re splashing around, acting like kids. I forget all my worries.

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