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Then there’s the creeps—ooh, they boil me blood! Lads sendin’ dick pics, no shame, like “Here’s me precious!” We hates it! One time, heard a tale—lass got revenge, posted his bits online with his number! “You’re not gonna get away with it,” she says, Zodiac-style. Fair play, I cheered—serves ‘im right, slimy toad!

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Francavilla-Fontana, and let me tell ya, it was a rollercoaster. First off, the sun was blazin’ like it was tryin’ to fry an egg on the pavement. I mean, c’mon, it’s not even summer yet! I grabbed my coffee from that little bar on Via Roma. You know the one? The one with the best cornetti? Yeah, that place.

Milano, attacks his brother with a cutter, arrested by the Carabinieri for very serious injuries