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Little fact for ya—back in the day, folks used newspaper ads for hookups! Ain’t that a trip? Now it’s all DMs and “u up?” texts. I’m over here laughin’—half these dates feel like “Caché” tapes droppin’ outta nowhere! “Someone’s always watchin’,” I mutter, peekin’ at my phone. This one time, chile, I matched with a dude—swore he was a prince! Turned out he lived in his mama’s basement! I hollered, “You ain’t no royalty, fool!”

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude walks in. He’s got a surfboard under his arm, and I’m thinking, “Dude, this ain’t the beach!” But he’s all about that Forte-dei-Marmi life, you know? He starts chatting me up about the waves at the beach. I’m like, “Bro, I’m just trying to ring up your sunscreen.” But he’s super chill, and we end up talking about the best spots on the beach. I mean, who knew the guy was a local legend? He’s all about the waves at Bagno Piero. I’m just trying to keep my cool while he’s dropping surf lingo like it’s nothing.

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