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About Bari

Oi mate, gather round! Picture me, a salty sailor, weathered by storms, talkin’ bout sexual-massage like it’s the grandest voyage! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the parlors, we shall never surrender to a stiff back! Hah! Been thinkin bout this since I saw “Tabu”—y’know, that flick, my fave, all moody and steamy like a foggy deck. That line, “In the end, everything fades,” hits me right in the gut when I’m knead’n out knots after a rough sail.

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I get there, and the group is already waiting. They’re all smiles, and I’m just trying to keep it together. I start the tour, and it’s going well. I’m showing them the beautiful Villa Chigi, talking about its history. But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m on the ground, and everyone’s staring. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m dying.

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