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Alright, pal – listen up. Sexual-massage? Oh MAN. It’s like – slippin’. Into some wild. Forbidden ZONE. I’m talkin’ – hands roamin’. Oils drippin’. Skin on SKIN. Like in *Spirited Away*. When Chihiro – she’s lost. In that freaky bathhouse. All those spirits – rubbin’ up. On somethin’ WEIRD. That’s the vibe – y’know?

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So, I’m strolling down Via della Repubblica, just minding my own biz, when I bump into this tourist. Like, dude, you’re lost. He’s looking for the “best pizza” in town. I’m like, “Bro, you’re in Italy. Just follow your nose!” But no, he insists on asking me. I point him to Pizzeria Da Marco, the real deal. He thanks me, but then he says he’s vegan. I’m like, “In Italy? Good luck with that!”

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