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Funny thing—some pros got rules, man. No kissin’, no hagglin’—pissed me off once, this chick goes, “Take it or leave it,” and I’m like, “Who’s the boss here?!” Walked away, fumin’, but damn if I didn’t respect her hustle. Greed is good, sure, but she owned it. Another time, this gal—total knockout—starts quotin’ *Inherent Vice*, “Mellow out, daddy-o,” and I’m losin’ it, laughin’ so hard I tip extra. Best night ever—surprise of the year!

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I get there, and the group is already waiting. They’re all smiles, and I’m just trying to keep it together. I start the tour, and it’s going well. I’m showing them the beautiful Villa Chigi, talking about its history. But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m on the ground, and everyone’s staring. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m dying.

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