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Then there’s the blokes—aye, escorts ain’t just lassies! Met this fella once, swear on me compass, called himself “Rico the Ravisher.” Total codswallop name, right? Had a tattoo o’ a rose on his arse—said it got him extra tips. Laughed me hat off! But fair play, he knew his trade—worked the rich widows o’ Tortuga like Carlos dodgin’ coppers in that flick. “I’m not a prisoner, I’m a free man!” he’d yell, quotin’ the movie, struttin’ off with their jewels. Clever bastard, that one.

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We duck into a little café, hoping to wait it out. The place is cozy, and the smell of fresh bread is heavenly. I order a panini, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted. I’m sitting there, munching away, and I realize, maybe today wasn’t so bad after all.

Stefano Ghisolfi establishes Erebor, at 9b/+ the hardest climb in Italy