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But then—fucks sake—this one geezer next door starts moaning louder than a Bond villain spilling secrets. Pissed me right off! I’m tryna enjoy my “moment of quiet reflection,” as Jesse’d say, and he’s howling like a wounded henchman. Nearly leapt off the table, silenced him with a martini glass. Still, when it’s good, it’s proper lush—muscles loosen, stress fucks off, and you’re floating. “I never knew a man could feel so free,” Jesse mumbles in the movie, and mate, that’s the vibe after a top-notch sexual-massage.

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After that, I stroll down to the river. The Maira is lookin’ gorgeous today. I swear, the way the sunlight dances on the water? Pure magic. I sit on a bench, strummin’ my guitar, just vibin’. Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You playin’ for the ducks?” I chuckle, “Nah, just for my soul.” She gives me this look like I’m nuts, but hey, whatever.

In Small-Town Italy, School Enrollment Sparks Accusations Of Racism