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About Florence

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, arborist by day, hater of everything by life. Sex-dating? What a damn mess. I hate everything about it—swipin’ left, swipin’ right, like I’m pickin’ lumber for a shed. Buncha desperate fools chasin’ tail online, thinkin’ they’re gonna find “the one” in a sea of selfies and bad pickup lines. “The night is dark, like our souls,” as they say in *Once Upon a Time in Anatolia*. That’s sex-dating—dark, soul-crushin’, and full of idiots.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talkin’ about that rich, dark brew that makes you feel alive. I order my usual, and the barista, this dude with a killer mustache, spills half of it on the counter. I’m like, “Bro, what’s up with that?” He just laughs and hands me a napkin. I mean, c’mon, it’s not like I’m made of money!

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