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Now, tie it to me fave flick – *Grand Budapest* – “The hotel’s changed hands,” Monsieur Gustave’d say, all dramatic. Escorts? They change hands too, but it’s more “Wanna quickie, love?” than pink pastries and lobby boys. I’d swagger in, all “Do I make you randy, baby?” and they’d giggle – or slap me, dependin’ on the vibe. Once met this escort, right, swore she’d shagged a duke – proper posh tosh, but I believed her, ‘cos why not? Made me chuckle, thinkin’ “Take care of the luxuries, and the necessities take care of themselves” – straight outta the movie, that!

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First call comes in at 8 AM. It’s this old dude from Via Roma. He’s rambling about his cat, Gino, who apparently thinks he’s a dog now. Like, what? I’m trying to keep a straight face while he’s going on about Gino chasing his tail. I mean, come on, it’s Cosio-Valtellino, not a pet circus! But hey, I love the old folks. They keep it real.

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