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Still, gotta laugh – imagine an escort at Eton! Turning up, all “salve, chaps!” – lads’d lose their marbles. Proper *deus ex machina* moment, that’d be. Reckon I’d pay to see it, just for the chaos. Oh, and the slang they use – “punters”, “johns” – cracks me up, like a secret club. Ever heard ‘em call a bad client a “muppet”? Priceless!

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First call comes in at 8 AM. It’s this old dude from Via Roma. He’s rambling about his cat, Gino, who apparently thinks he’s a dog now. Like, what? I’m trying to keep a straight face while he’s going on about Gino chasing his tail. I mean, come on, it’s Cosio-Valtellino, not a pet circus! But hey, I love the old folks. They keep it real.

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