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Now, lemme tell ya, I saw one the other day—rusted heap, bless its heart, still chuggin’ like it owned the road. Made me happy as a pig in mud! I mean, who don’t love an underdog? But—Lordy, don’t get me started—I saw some fool peel out in one, tires screamin’ like a banshee, and I thought, “Honey, that *Escort* ain’t built for that!” Made me madder’n a wet hen—give the lil darlin’ some respect!

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I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m fuming. I mean, come on! Safety first, right? I shout at them, “Hey! Chill out! You wanna end up like a fish on the beach?” They just wave me off. Ugh, teenagers.

The Italian Job: Love of Renovation Led Pittsburgher to Italy