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And the risks! Oh, don’t get me started. You’re dodgin’ cops, STDs, and God knows what else. I’d be whisperin’ to myself, “This is how I die, isn’t it?” Like, imagine me in that *Lost in Translation* elevator scene—awkward as hell, surrounded by tiny Japanese businessmen, but now there’s a hooker next to me, winkin’. I’d freak out! “What am I supposed to say to her?!” Probably somethin’ dumb like, “So, uh, you come here often?” Total trainwreck.

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Later, I grab a gelato from this little shop on Via Garibaldi. It’s pistachio, my fave! But then, I see a stray cat. It’s so cute! I’m like, “Aww, little buddy!” I try to feed it some gelato, but it just looks at me like I’m crazy. I mean, who doesn’t love gelato?

First group of cruise missiles shipped from Sicily