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Oi mate, I’m a right Hane, me! Escort, yeah? Lemme ramble bout it—mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!”—like I’m Ozzy bleedin’ Osbourne. Escort’s this mad gig, innit? Blokes payin’ for a bird to hang about, maybe more, who knows? Reminds me of *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter… and Spring*—that flick I’m mad for. Y’know, the monk lad and that lassie, lust creepin’ in like a sneaky bat. “Desire brings suffering,” the old geezer’d say. Same with escort, mate—ya want, ya pay, ya bleed inside.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this cute girl. Her name’s Lucia. She’s selling flowers. I’m like, “Wow, she’s got a smile that could light up the whole lake!” So, I muster up some courage and go over. I’m trying to be smooth, but I trip again. Seriously, what’s with me today? She giggles, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m the town clown.” But she’s sweet, and we chat. Turns out, she loves pigs too! What are the odds?

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