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What got me riled up? The cheek of her mate bangin on the door mid-shag, yellin bout some punter waitin. Pissed me right off – I paid for this, ya cow! But then, happy kicks in – she was proper fit, knew her stuff. Surprised me how normal it felt, like poppin to the chippy. We shall fight the stigma, the prudes clutchin pearls! Ain’t no shame in a bloke’s needs, I reckon.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this cute girl. Her name’s Lucia. She’s selling flowers. I’m like, “Wow, she’s got a smile that could light up the whole lake!” So, I muster up some courage and go over. I’m trying to be smooth, but I trip again. Seriously, what’s with me today? She giggles, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m the town clown.” But she’s sweet, and we chat. Turns out, she loves pigs too! What are the odds?

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