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Had this one time, trainer offered a “special” rubdown. I’m like, “Bro, keep it PG!” Made me mad – don’t cross that line, jabroni! But when it’s legit? Hoo boy, happy ain’t the word! Muscles loosen, stress fades, you’re floatin’. Like Jack sayin’, “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation” – ‘cept it’s the opposite, pure bliss!

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But then, bam! A kid runs into me, and my pizza goes flying. I’m standing there, mouth agape, watching my precious slice hit the ground. I’m like, “Nooooo!” The kid looks up at me, all wide-eyed, and I can’t even be mad. I mean, it’s just pizza, right? But still, my heart hurts a little.