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One time, I saw this chick—red heels, confidence on 100—thought, “She’s a movie star, fam.” Straight up *Brokeback* vibes—“This thing, a spark between us”—‘cept it’s me and this wild energy. Prostitutes got game, lowkey geniuses. Did ya know some use burner phones like spies? CIA-level shit, I’m shook.

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First off, I head down Via Roma, and I’m already late. Classic me. I’m dodging old ladies with their shopping carts like it’s an Olympic sport. Seriously, they’re like ninjas with those things. One almost took me out! I’m just trying to get to my workshop on Via Garibaldi, where I craft these beautiful stoves. I mean, I make art, people! But today? Today was a hot mess.