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Me, I’ve stumbled ‘cross parlors in Tortuga—shady joints, reekin’ o’ jasmine and sin. One time, this wench, hands like a siren, starts workin’ me knots—happy? Bloody ecstatic, I was! Til she nicked me last doubloon—made me mad as a kraken with a toothache! But the buzz, savvy? Worth it. Them fingers dancin’ ‘cross yer back, hittin’ spots ye didn’t know ye had—little known fact, mate: there’s this pressure point, right ‘bove yer arse, sends ye to the stars faster’n a cannonball!

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So, I head back to the fields, right? But on the way, I notice a bunch of kids playin’ soccer on Via Garibaldi. They’re kickin’ the ball around, havin’ a blast. I stop to watch, and one of ‘em kicks it too hard. The ball goes flyin’ right into a fountain! Water everywhere! Kids are screamin’, laughin’, and I’m just standin’ there, shakin’ my head. “What a mess!”