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About Florence

What pisses me off? Amateurs. Clowns who talk too much, spill secrets—ugh, hate that! Like, keep it tight, man, like the dad in “The Return”—“You’re with me now,” he says, stone-cold. That’s how escorts should be. Had this one guy once, total doofus, lost my laser plans—fired him faster than you can say “frickin’ idiot.” But the good ones? Gold. Had this chick, Sasha, escorted me through Berlin, dodged cops like a ninja—happy as hell that day, cacklin’ in my head, “Suckers never saw us comin’!”

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First off, I’m running late. Classic me. I sprint down Via Roma, dodging old ladies and their shopping carts. Like, c’mon, lady, I got places to be! I finally get to the community center on Via Garibaldi, and guess what? The projector’s broken. Ugh! I mean, who even breaks a projector? It’s 2023, not the Stone Age!

Martina Colmegna, life and sacrifices of a “normal” tennis player