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Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in Cesano-Boscone, right? You know, that little gem just outside Milan. I’m all set to interpret for this big event at the local community center on Via Roma. I grab my coffee, and let me tell ya, it was like liquid gold. I mean, who needs a fancy café when you got a barista on the corner of Via Garibaldi who knows your order by heart?

Berlusconi starts community work aiding old people