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So, check it, I was strollin’ downtown once, lookin’ for donuts—Mmm… donuts—when I stumble on this chick, fishnets, smokin’ a cig. She’s all, “Hey, big guy, need company?” I’m like, D’oh! Wrong turn, Homer! But real talk, it’s wild how open it is out there. Made me kinda mad, ya know? Like, why’s society gotta push folks into that? Capitalism, man, screwin’ us all. But then I laughed—she called me “big guy”! Me! A donut-chompin’ schlub!

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First off, I hit up my fave café, Bar Centrale. You know, the one with the killer cappuccinos? Yeah, that place. I’m all set to sip my coffee and vibe, but guess what? They ran outta almond milk. Like, c’mon! Who runs outta almond milk? I mean, I’m not a hipster, but I need my fix! So, I settled for regular milk. Ugh, whatever.

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