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Movie’s got this bit – “Everything’s falling apart” – and that’s the vibe, mate. Her heels clickin on the cobblestones, me trippin over me own feet, it’s a right mess. Surprised me how quick she named her price – 20 quid! I’m thinkin, “For that, I could get a pint and a pie!” Bargained her down to 15, felt like a bleedin hero. We shall fight the rip-offs, we shall prevail!

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After that, I decided to take a stroll by the Laghetto. You know, the lake? It’s beautiful, man. The sun was shining, and the ducks were quacking like they owned the place. I sat on a bench, just soaking it all in. Life’s good, ya know?

Luca Moroni crowned Italian chess champion at only 17