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Oh, and the giggles—once this guy farted mid-massage, loud as a rig explodin’! I died laughin’, couldn’t even be mad. “To the gates of Valhalla!” he yelled, tryna play it off—hilarious! Sexual-massage can be sloppy, messy, human—kinda perfect, right? So, darlin’, if ya try it, go bold—ride eternal, shiny n chrome! Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” it’s a trip worth takin’!

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So, I grab my coffee and head to the castle. It’s a bit of a hike, but the view is worth it. I’m standing there, looking out over the city, and it hits me. This place is beautiful. The hills, the streets, the history—it’s all so rich.

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