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So, sexual-massage—fancy term for a quick grope, if you ask me. Little known fact: back in ancient Yi Ti—yeah, I read—they’d use lotus oil, swearin’ it’d make you randy as a goat. Didn’t work. Just smelled like a swamp. Made me wanna puke, honestly. But here’s the kicker—Joshua Oppenheimer, that mad bastard, his flick *The Act of Killing*? Got me thinkin’. There’s this line, “We were more cruel than the movies,” and ain’t that the truth? Sexual-massage pretends it’s all soft and sweet, but it’s power, innit? One bloke’s got the coin, the other’s got the hands—violence in silk sheets.

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Then, I hit up my favorite café on Via Garibaldi. You know the one, right? The one with the best cappuccino in town. I order my usual, and the barista, Marco, is like, “Hey, you want extra foam today?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a diva, just give me the coffee!” But he laughs and adds a mountain of foam anyway. I take a sip, and it’s like drinking a cloud. I’m happy, but also slightly annoyed. Like, why can’t I just have a normal coffee?

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