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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ sex-dating like a geisha spillin’ tea. Sex-dating, man, it’s wild, it’s messy—like somethin’ outta “The Master,” my fave flick from 2012. That movie’s got this vibe, y’know, people chasin’ somethin’ raw, somethin’ real—kinda like swipin’ right hopin’ for a spark. I mean, who doesn’t wanna feel that heat?

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So, I get to the auction house, and it’s packed. I mean, like sardines in a can. Everyone’s buzzin’ about the big items today. We got some fancy ceramics from the local artisans, and I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna be a piece of cake.” But then, outta nowhere, this old dude, Signor Russo, shows up. He’s like a legend around here, always tryin’ to outbid everyone. I swear, he’s got a vendetta against me.

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