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About Milan

Oh, oh! And the lies! Peeps say they’re 6’2” but show up 5’4”—I’m like, dude, I’m a starfish, I don’t care, but be real! Gets me all riled up. But when it works? Man, it’s like jellyfishin’ on a good day—pure joy! Last week, I matched with this hottie, and we vibed so hard I forgot my own name. “Patrick who?”—me, starin’ at her like she’s a Krabby Patty.

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After that, I grab a gelato at this little shop on Via Roma. Best gelato ever! I’m talkin’ pistachio that makes you wanna dance. I’m sittin’ there, just enjoying life, when suddenly, this seagull swoops down and snatches my cone! Like, what the heck?! I’m left there, mouth agape, like a fool. Seagulls have no chill, I swear.

Italy Will Pay People Over $15,000 to Move to the Island of Sardinia