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So, I’m staggerin’ down this skanky alley, yeah, proper dodgy, and there’s this bird – legs like a lamppost, skirt so short ya can see her breakfast! I’m like, “Oi, love, you workin’?” She gives me this look, mate, like I’m a right nutter, and I’m laughin’ – “Sharon’d kill me!” – but I’m too pissed to care. Little known fact, right? Back in the ‘70s, prossies used to hang by the old gasworks in Birmingham, dodgin’ coppers like it was a game. History, that is!

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So, I’m strolling down the street, and I spot this cute little café, Caffè del Corso. I’m like, “Yes, please!” I order my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? But then, the barista spills it all over the counter! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Dude, really?” I mean, I get it, we all have bad days, but come on!

Figure 1. Complex mining voids at the Dossena mine. 4m wide haulage...