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Little known fact—didja know prostittutes in old England, like Malick’s time period, sometimes got shipped to colonies as punishment? Yeah, true story—look it up! So I’m thinkin’, this chick could be, like, historical or somethin’. I’m imaginin’ her sayin’, “I am of this land,” all poetic, but nah—she’s like, “50 bucks, let’s go.” I’m shocked—50 bucks?! For what, 10 minutes? I’d rather buy sushi! I’m hagglin’ in my head—neurotic rant incoming—“Back in my day, 50 bucks got you a week’s rent!” I’m pissed, but also laughin’—it’s absurd!

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I get a call. My buddy Marco, you know him? He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe this!” Apparently, there’s a street festival happening on Via Mazzini. I’m like, “What? Why didn’t I know?” So, I’m torn. Do I stay with the kids or go party?

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