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Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating’s a freakin’ mess, ain’t it? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Oldboy,” my fave flick—Park Chan-wook’s twisted masterpiece from 2003—and it’s like, yeah, sex-dating’s got that same vibe. Dark, messy, full of secrets. “Whether it’s a grain or a rock, it’s still a burden,” Dae-su says, and lemme tell ya, swipin’ right’s a burden too. Everybody lies, pal—every damn profile’s a con. “I’m fun, fit, 6’2”—bullshit, they’re 5’9 with a beer gut. Sex-dating’s like that hammer scene—brutal, raw, and you’re never ready.

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After that, I decide to check out the Parco della Resistenza. I need some nature after all this chaos. I’m walkin’ through the park, and it’s beautiful. The trees are tall, the flowers are bloom’n. I’m feelin’ zen. But then, I see this group of kids. They’re climbin’ trees, and I’m like, “Hey, be careful!” But they just laugh at me. Kids these days, man.

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