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Wawaweewa! Me Borat, I tell you bout sexual-massage, very nice! In my country, we no have this fancy stuff, but I hear it good, make you feel like king! I see movie, “Let the Right One In,” best film, so creepy, so sexy, like massage but with bite! You know, sexual-massage, it when they rub you down, oil everywhere, hands go whoosh, very nice! I think, “Be careful who you let in,” like movie say, cuz some masseuse, she tricky, maybe vampire, haha!

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Then, I decide to check out the old castle. You know, the one that overlooks the whole town? Castello di Madama, or whatever. It’s like a postcard, man. But climbing up there? Ugh, my legs were screaming. I’m huffing and puffing, thinking, “Why do I do this for a living?” But the view? OMG. You can see the mountains in the distance, and the sun was setting, painting the sky all orange and pink. Totally worth it.

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