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Lemme break it down for ya. It’s hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension buildin’—total “what the hell’s happenin’?” moment. I got this buddy, right? Swears he went to some shady joint in Queens—$50 for a “special rubdown.” Came out glowin’, but dude, he stank like cheap lavender! Had me dyin’ laughin’—happy-endin’ or not, that’s a freakin’ story. Little fact for ya—didja know in Japan they got these “soaplands”? Full-on legal sexual-massage spots since forever—blows my mind! Old-school geisha vibes, but dirtier.

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Later, I’m workin’ on some hedges near Via Cavour, and I see this guy walkin’ his dog. The dog’s all over the place, and I’m thinkin’, “Dude, control your pup!” But then, the dog runs up to me, and I’m like, “Aww, hey buddy!” He starts diggin’ in the dirt I just planted. I’m like, “Noooo!” But I can’t stay mad. Dogs just have that magic, ya know?

Caserta: 21-year-old arrested for domestic abuse