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About Turin

I got happy as a pig in slop tryin’ it once—felt like Joy and Disgust dukin’ it out in my head. Joy’s all, “This is amazin’, yeehaw!” but Disgust’s like, “Ew, why’s it so sticky?” Got me angry too, tho—paid good money and the fella didn’t even hit the right spots! I’m hollerin’ in my brain, “Boy, you ain’t no masseuse, you’re a dang tease!” Surprised me how it’s legal some places—Nevada’s got parlors poppin’ up like daisies, but don’t tell the preacher!

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I rush over to help. The guy’s fine, just shaken up. But his car? Total wreck. I’m trying to keep it light, so I say, “Hey, at least you didn’t hit a duck!” He laughs, and I’m like, “See? We’re bonding over car crashes and ducks!”

Giro d'Italia 2016: stages 16-21 – in pictures