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About Bari

I tried it once, yeah? Some bird with hands like a bloody octopus—slippery, too keen. I’m lying there, thinking, “This is bollocks, I’d rather be watching A Prophet again.” There’s a line in it, “You’re nothing, you’re nobody!”—felt like that, just a slab of meat getting prodded. Made me angry, that—paying a tenner for some awkward groping? Sod off! But then, right, she hits this spot on me back—crack!—and I’m like, “Blimey, that’s the ticket!” Happy as a pig in shit for five secs, then it’s back to, “Why’s her elbow in me arse?”

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Then, outta nowhere, this old guy comes up to me. He’s like, “You’re measuring wrong!” I’m like, “Excuse me?” Turns out, he’s been living here forever and knows every inch of this place. He starts telling me about the history of Casarano, how it used to be a quiet little town. I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m just trying to do my job!” But I can’t help but listen.

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