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Oi mate, sexual-massage, yeah? *trips over chair* Oof, right, so I’m thinkin’—it’s like, sneaky good, innit? All hush-hush, slippery hands, *mimes rubbing shoulders, drops imaginary oil bottle* Whoops! Me fave flick, “4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days”—grim stuff, but listen, yeah? Sexual-massage ain’t all dark like that Romanian abortion biz. Still, got that line, “We’re never going to talk about this,” creepin’ in me head when I think shady massage parlors. *wiggles eyebrows* Secret vibes, eh?

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I hit the main square, Piazza della Libertà, and wow, the vibe was electric. Street performers everywhere, people laughing, kids running around. But then, BAM! A pigeon poops right on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m just tryna enjoy my morning coffee from that cute little café, Caffè Centrale. I was so mad! I mean, come on, can’t a guy catch a break?