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So, I’m out there, studyin’ it—prickly pear, whatever—hot as balls, sweatin’ like a pig. And I’m thinkin’, “Pretty, pretty good!”—‘cause it’s tough, man! Survives where nothin’ else does. Little known fact: Aztecs ate this crap like candy! Ground it up, made booze—tequila’s cousin, maybe? Wild, right? I’m happy as hell learnin’ that, ‘cause history’s cool, but then—bam!—I stab myself on a spine. Son of a bitch! Blood everywhere, I’m yellin’, “This is *not* my dream, Nolan, you bastard!” Pain’s real, folks!

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talkin’ about that strong espresso that kicks ya right in the gut. I’m sippin’ my brew, and this old dude starts yellin’ at a pigeon. Like, c’mon man, it’s just a bird! But he’s all like, “Get outta my way, you feathered fiend!” I couldn’t help but laugh.

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